Trying to Live
by omicronpersei8
Summary: Resolves around the beginning days in ASZ and their struggles with trying to live. I'm playing around with the timeline and characters a bit. These are my thoughts on what they are thinking. Some jessick, but Richonne is endgame.
Ron balls his fists as he stares at the house that his mother is in. He hears her laughter, and feels his anger slowly rising. How can she be laughing when his father has only been dead for 13 days. Murdered in the street like a dog by Rick. Then six days ago, she takes Sam and they move in with him. She says Rick is her friend and he has been helping her by keeping her safe and making her feel protected. Ron told her he was dangerous, but she didn't care. He can see them both through the opened curtains in the kitchen. Rick is sitting at the table and his mother is leaning down placing a plate of food in front of him with a grin on her face. She touches his shoulder. Ron has seen enough. He turns around and heads back home to the empty house that once held his family.

Jessie stirs the pot of beans and tomatoes that she has cooking on the stove. She added canned tomatoes to the beans and she had rice to mix with it. She joked with Rick about her lack of culinary skills. He tells her not to worry about it, compared to the things he and his family had to eat on the road, this is a masterpiece. Before all of this madness in the world, Jessie had a cook. She was a doctor's wife, and enjoyed all the perks that came with that. She loved that life. All of her clothes were designer brands, every few years she upgraded to the newest luxury car just because they could, and the boys went to private schools. She loved the envious looks that other women gave her, she thrived on the fact that she was "better" than other people. She was Doctor Anderson's wife. She was somebody. "Look at me now" she thought. It was a shock to realize that now everything has changed. Even though some people in Alexandria knew how Pete was sometimes abusive to her, he was the one that was important. They couldn't banish Pete, he was needed. He was the "somebody". But Pete is no longer here thanks to Rick, she turns to smile at him again. She thinks she needs to be on his arms. Being Rick's wife would elevate her status, plus he is a decent looking man. She would be envied instead of the looks of pity that she gets now.

When Rick and crew came to Alexandria, they really shook things up. The look in their eyes showed they are strong survivors. Even Carol had that look. Not only were they fighters, they are a good looking bunch. She heard some of the comments from some of the men in Alexandria saying "Rick brought in some fine women, and this town definitely needed it" She felt a little twinge of jealousy when they said that. She was always one of the pretty girls in her former life. That was why Pete pursued her. Rick was always talking about their group, his "family". Michonne. She was the one he talked about the most. His voice would get softer and he always had a gentle smile whenever he mentioned her. It drove her crazy, it could be anything and Rick would find a way to bring her name up in the conversation. He listens to her and seeks her counsel on just about everything. Then there were times that they had an unspoken language. Rick's eyes would always find Michonne's. It was like all of the energy in the room was charged whenever they were in close proximity to each other. This is the reason that as soon as Jessie heard that Michonne moved out, she made her move by being the damsel in distress. She knew how to get a man like Rick. He was a cop, he needs to fix things. The day of Michonne's departure from Rick's house, she waited until the evening, put on a low cut, form fitting dress, and knocked on his door. When Rick opened the door, she was shocked at how disheveled Rick looked. His hair was a mess, his eyes were red and he seemed out of it. She immediately started crying and threw herself into Rick's arms saying how she's so lost and afraid and could she stay with him because he makes her feel safe. Rick told her that " he doesn't think that it is a good idea because Michonne just moved out and she'll probably move back in". She says that "she could just sleep on the couch". He asks "what about your kids" she tells him "it's just Sam" He says "No, I don't think Michonne..." Jessie squeezes him tighter .."Rick, just for a few days, I don't have a husband anymore"..She knew that would get him to relent. He drops his head in guilt and tells her OK. She smiles and walks in.

Jessie turned off the beans as she thinks about that day, it just dawned on her that he didn't even notice the dress she had on that day. That dress would've definitely turned heads. She thought about when Rick kissed her at the welcome party, there is something there, she knows it. If it isn't the sexy vixen, it must be the sweet little housewife role. She was holding his daughter when he kissed her, so that is why she's here playing little wife/ homemaker. "I can be what he used to have. I WILL be what he used to have. No one will have to ask questions when they see me Rick and the kids together. We look like the all american family. I can pass for his kids biological mother. She smirks thinking Michonne could never do that. They might assume she's the nanny. They might not even have crossed paths if it wasn't for the turn." Jesse thinks about all of Rick's "family" . "They would all be beneath her before the turn, Rosita would be her maid, Sasha would be a nail tech, Daryl would be in jail for a drunken fight in a trailer park, Tara works at Burger King, Eugene would be jobless on his mother's couch, Carol, substitute Sunday school teacher, she already knew that Maggie and Glen were a farmer's daughter and Pizza delivery guy. Jessie laughs to herself. A farmer's daughter is helping Deanna make Alexandria better. A fucking farmer's daughter! Why didn't Deanna ask me for my input? Pizza guy and Burger King worker are organizing runs, the nail tech is the sniper on the wall, and I have to go to my damn maid to teach me to shoot! Abraham and Father Gabriel are probably the only 2 who are doing exactly what they would've before the turn." Jessie reaches up and stirs the beans again. She likes playing these imaginary what ifs game in her mind, it helps her to cope. Pete coped by drinking. This is safer, it makes her feel better, in her mind she's on top. "Think it and therefore be it" its a mantra she repeats to herself often. She looks over at Rick, and thinks "I'll be back on top soon, He'll be mine. The nanny is gone" she smiles.

Rick looks up from the table noticing Jessie is smiling. He looks around the kitchen and smiles to himself. He thinks "This is what my life looked like before. Him sitting at the table, Lori standing at the stove just like Jessie is, even the sub-par meal". He smiles back at Jessie. She could be Lori. "I need this, I can slip back into my old life. I am in a nice neighborhood and my pretty wife is making me dinner. I can forget all about what's outside these walls. In here I am a family man. Wife, kids, on a normal, what is probably a Tuesday evening. In here when my wife asks about my day, I'll tell her about how I closed the case on Ken Baker's missing car. It was his grandson that took it out for a joy ride. We'd laugh about it and talk about when we have our own grand kids. My wife would never know anything about eating a can of peas as the only meal for a day, or boiling toilet water to drink. In here we'd never sleep on the ground, or go a week without a shower. In here there wouldn't be nightmares about biting someones throat out, gutting a man that tried to rape my son, killing people in a church, or shooting cannibals. In here I would always be helpful, and never leave a person on the side of the road begging for help". Rick looks at Jessie and thanks her again for the meal. Jessie smiles and asks Rick "Is Carl here yet? I wanted to make his plate so we could all sit down for dinner" Rick stops smiling and tells her "No, umm he's not here tonight". "Well where is he? " Jessie asks. " He's at, uh Michonne's" Rick says. "Rick, he's your son, he should be here with you, I guess Judith is there too right?" He nods. "I gotta be honest with you Rick, I like you" she reaches for his hand and Rick looks at her with a small smile. " You are such a wonderful, strong man, nothing like Pete. You told me I could be a part of your family. You can help me be strong" she moves closer to him and leans down and gives him a quick kiss on the lips. "I feel like we need Carl and Judith here to be a real family. You want the same thing right? " Jessie asks. " yes" says Rick. "So why are they at Michonne's house?" Jessie asks. "That's the agreement that we all came up with."Rick says "who" she asks. "Me, Carl, and Michonne. When Michonne moved out, Jessie noticed his jaw clenched when he said that, "she told me that the kids would be with her 4 nights a week, and me the other 3, Rick states. "What?" Jessie was astounded "And you agreed?" she asks incredulously. "It's what Carl and Michonne wanted" Rick says. Jessie cut him off and waves her hand. "You are their father Rick, Carl shouldn't even have a choice, and why does Michonne get a say?" Rick could feel himself getting a little angry at Jessie questioning him, and the pleasant little family scene that they were trying to create started slipping away. "You don't understand Jessie, when we were out there", Jessie rolls her eyes at yet another story of them being "out there", "Michonne was the one that was there for Carl and Judith. She saved them; She saved all of us, she became everything to me..,I mean to the kids. I can't, I won't keep her away from them, I trust her with all of our lives. Plus she is only a few houses down anyway" Jessie could tell that Rick was getting irritated, and she didn't want him mad at her. She needed Rick, and once again Michonne puts a damper on it. Its frustrating to her, Rick works with Michonne, so he sees her every day. Rick even acts excited to go to work. What kind of man is happy to go to work? She knows it's because of Michonne. Jessie sometimes leaves the pantry to seek out Rick during the day. Wherever Michonne is, there would be Rick, smiling or laughing at something Michonne says. Jessie takes pleasure at interrupting what ever it is they are laughing about. "Don't think about her" she said to herself. Jessie goes to her happy place in her mind. She thinks to herself "she's just the nanny, nothing more, if she would have been on the road with them, she could've saved his kids lives too. She could've been the hero in his eyes. Michonne is just a nanny, she had nannies for her kids before the turn. Even one of them was black, what was her name, Shayla, that's right. Ron and Sam loved her, just like Rick's kids love Michonne. Sometimes her boys cried when Shayla went home for the night. They even treated Shayla as if she was their mom, seeking her first when they got hurt. They bawled for days when Shayla had to move back to Florida. Michonne- the nanny has Rick's kids. This could be a good thing, she gets alone time with Rick. I feel better now". She smiles at Rick and says in a soft voice "I understand Rick" He slowly calms back down. "Sam!" Jessie calls "come down for dinner. Sam comes in the kitchen. Jessie fixes her and him a plate and sits down to eat. "This is nice "Jessie says looking at Sam and Rick. Sam asks "Can Ron eat with us tonight?" Jessie face falls and Rick just looks down with guilt and continues eating. Rick knows that he is the reason Ron isn't here. Just like Carl and Judith aren't here right now because of Jessie. Ron hates him and is living alone, and here he is trying to make all these pieces fit into the perfect family puzzle in his mind. "Not tonight Sam, maybe another time". Jessie says with a pained expression. "But why mom?" Sam asks. "Just eat Sam, please" Jessie begs him. Sam sadly looks down and starts to eat. They all continue their dinner in silence.

After dinner Rick announces that he's doing a perimeter check. He does this every night after dinner. He walks around checking the gates, and like every night he stops by Michonne's house before heading back home. Before he knocks, he can hear Michonne and Carl laughing and Judith babbling in their kitchen. He hears Michonne singing "by Mennon, What is that Michonne? " Carl asks. "It was on a commercial" she says " Ahh I hate those except for the cereal ones" Carl says as he takes another bite of food. "Come on Carl, Byyy Mennon" they both laugh, then they hear a knock on the door. "It's probably your dad, it's about that time" Michonne says and opens the door with a smile. "Hi Rick, come on in. Hi Michonne" Rick smiles back . He gives her an appreciative glance at her outfit. A Pair of shorts and a tank top. Michonne smirks, she knows he's checking her out. "OK Rick as he follows her into the kitchen, by mennon" she sings. Rick touches Carl on the shoulder, and bends down and picks Judith up out of her highchair. "It's a commercial, byyy mennon" Rick looks at Carl and then Michonne, both of them have these silly grins on their faces, Rick can't help but grin back. "Was it a deodorant commercial?" Michonne starts laughing and jumps up and high 5's Rick. "Yes!" She yells while looking at Rick. Michonne's smile. He could get lost in it. He remembers when she never smiled. Now when she's with them, she graces them with it. He also noticed her plump breasts bouncing when she jumped up. He felt his dick tightening in his pants. Judith starts laughing with them. "That's right, my little angel" she says to Judith. Rick looks around the kitchen at the lightness he sees and feels. He realizes it's always like this when he comes over to Michonne's house. Relaxed, fun. His eyes lands on Michonne's again. She is still smiling. "So, what did y'all have for dinner tonight? Rick asks. "Okra, tomato medley" Carl says with a laugh. "It was good though wasn't it?" asks Michonne. "Yes it was, me and Michonne mixed okra, tomatoes and corn together, then I added secret spices" Michonne gives Carl a look, Carl blinks and nods. "Hey," Rick asks "What was that look for?, Well Michonne doesn't want us sharing all of our culinary secrets, not even with you dad, yeah, sorry Rick you're not in the club" Michonne says with amusement. "Well may I at least try it?" Rick asks "Oh come on Rick, you know you are welcomed to anything in my home". Michonne arches one eyebrow at the suggestive statement. Rick blushes, feels that tightness again and raises an eyebrow at her as well "Anythang?" he asks, flirting back. Michonne smiles at him again as he stands up and hands her Judith so he can fix himself a bowl. "Wow Michonne, this is good!", Thanks Rick, Michonne says. " I told you dad, You can take you a to-go plate if you'd like. We have enough for tomorrow as well" Michonne adds. Rick thought about it. "No, I don't want to hurt Jessie's feelings" he said. Carl scoffed and rolls his eyes. "Be nice" Michonne tells Carl. "Well, tomorrow night when you make your rounds, I'll save you some" Michonne tells him. "I'd like that" Rick says with a smile. They sit around and talk and laugh for another 30 minutes before Rick looks at his watch and realizes he's been gone a while and didn't want Jessie to worry. "I gotta go" Rick says. "Why?" Carl asks "Let me guess, Jessie right?" Carl asks with a frown. Michonne stands, grabs Judith, announces she gonna bathe her, says goodnight to Rick and says she'll see him in the morning. Before she leaves, she gives Carl another be nice look. Rick watches Michonne leave. Those legs, those hips, that ass. Under his breath he says "damn, should be a sin" Carl smirks, he knows his dad likes Michonne, he's always watching her. Rick turns back and says to his son. "Carl, I know Jessie isn't your favorite person, but it hurts her feelings when you don't have dinner with us. She's nice and I don't know, she reminds me of your mom. This is the kind of place she would have wanted for us, maybe there could be something there. " Carl sighs and replies "Look dad, I love mom and I miss her, but she's not here. Jessie. Could. Never. Be. Her. She is weak and pathetic." "Carl" Rick says as he rubs his nose and close his eyes. Carl reiterates "She may be nice, but she IS weak and pathetic dad. You think Maggie, Rosita, or Tara or any of the women in our family would allow that situation with Pete to go on, when there are bigger threats right outside of these thin walls? Michonne would have killed him the same night he would've hit her. Michonne wouldn't allow anyone to live if they hit me or Judith. Jessie couldn't save herself or her kids, so she waits until you get here to rescue her and save the day. You killed her kids father, I'll agree that he deserved it. But, you weren't gonna even bury him, and she was OK with that, then she moves in with you. Ron's a prick, but she even abandoned him to live in the house alone so she could follow after you like a puppy. I hear people in Alexandria talk. It's embarrassing dad. They say you killed her husband to get with her, even though that's not 100% true, but that is what it looks like to them. This is why I only come home to sleep when I have to spend my 3 days with you when she's there. Dad, her family is Ron and Sam, and yours is here. So honestly, I don't care if her feelings get hurt. We have known her for maybe a month. I don't have the energy to even care. I have Michonne, Carol, Sasha, Maggie, Tara and Rosita. They are the women in my family. They are the ones I worry about hurting. With Michonne being the MOST important out of all of them. Dad, I am not gonna judge you for whatever it is that you are going through, but don't ask me to come to your house when she's there to pretend with ya'll. My home is with Michonne, Judith and you when you are here. In this house with us. I go to your house to spend time with you when Jessie isn't hogging all your time" Rick nods his heads, twists his wedding band and says "I hear you Carl, I hear you son" Carl smiles at him "Go ahead dad, before you get in trouble" Rick laughs. "When did you get so smart?" Rick asks with a smile as he hugs Carl before he leaves. As Rick heads back to his house, he didn't realize that he had been followed by Jessie. She silently fumes to herself with the knowledge that Rick stops by Michonne's house every night and spends about 40 minutes after doing "perimeter checks" She walks back to Rick's house to think of a way to put a stop to his nightly visits.


End file.
